The Stars

I spent my evening and night outside working on my car. (Yes, I can sometimes be very handy). I am trying to fix an electrical problem that prevents my passenger windows from being controlled by the people sitting in those seats. Needless to say, this has been a problem for quite some time. And given all this "free time" I currently have, I thought I would use it to my advantage. As I was calling it a night and putting the car back together, I looked up and saw something I hadn't seen, or maybe hadn't noticed, in a very long time - the Big Dipper.

It got me thinking about life over the past few years and how this electrical problem has mirrored life in Bismarck and Rochester. Each of those four windows represents something in my life, something about my character. One by one, each stopped working, until only the driver's side panel controlled them, leaving the passengers frustrated that they couldn't control those windows.

Looking back, that is how life was getting for me. I couldn't control those windows; I couldn't control certain parts of my life. I acted out, often inappropriately. I also fooled myself into believing that giving up on this, moving onto that or just focusing on one fantasy would give me that freedom again to control those windows. Needless to say, it left me feeling even more out of control, more helpless. My life was at the mercy of essentially one person, and it wasn't me. I let myself become wrapped up in a fictional story of a white picket fence, leaving reality to suffer.

As for the electrical problem, I might have to pay a pretty penny to get those windows working again. But I know that once each switch works on its own, life will be a little closer to the way it was before they decided to go out. Life has a funny way of going full-circle. Sometimes, however, you have to repair that circle to bring it back to its original glory.

Toy Story's Woody (yes, I went there) said, "Reach for the stars!" After all that has happened to me this past year, I starting to find it was hard to continue reaching. But I am slowly starting to settle into my life here in Denver, under the same sky as Bismarck and Rochester, but under more familiar stars.